Uncertainty brings out the best and the worst in people, and the death of Queen Elizabeth II is no different

We are no strangers to uncertainty. We, the people sharing a planet in 2022. It seems the only thing precedented about our times is that we live in unprecedented times. Every month it seems something else happens to make our futures - either personally or collectively - feel uncertain and unstable.

Uncertain times bring out the best in people. Whether that’s 100 year old Sir Tom Moore walking his garden to raise funds for the NHS in a health pandemic, strangers welcoming children to their homes in the countryside during World War II, or a small town called Gander in Newfoundland becoming a safe haven for thousands on 9/11 - humanity is at it’s best when we are feeling unsure and unsteady. Because it is then that we need kindness most.

But it also brings out the worst in people. Whilst Sir Tom Moore was raising his funds to support the NHS, others were throwing parties, refusing to wear masks or socially distance to keep others safe. Strangers were welcoming children into their homes, but only because a war was being fought against fascism, a war that cost 12 million lives in the holocaust, and countless more on the battlefields. Gander welcomed people from across the globe that day, offering them refuge, but since that day the treatment of refugees - particularly of colour - has been abysmal, in the USA and around the political west.

The start of September saw two major news stories in the UK, the death of Queen Elizabeth II, and the killing of Chris Kaba by a Metropolitan police officer. Both events that have made people feel very unsteady and unsure, and again, the best and the worst of humanity has been on show.

There has been an outpouring of love and sadness around the country since The Queen passed away. We have seen tens of thousands, potentially even hundreds of thousands of people coming together to line the streets to say goodbye, to lay flowers and tributes around the country. As I type this the queue for people to pay their respects as she lies-in-state is the longest queue in history. Businesses have stayed open to allow mourners to get food, get drinks, use the bathroom, stay warm. Volunteers from around the country have come to support the mourners, and ensure they’re safe. Hundreds of thousands of people are queueing, and every single one has a different reason for being there. But whatever the reason, people are making friends, sharing stories, sharing in each others grief.

After Chris Kaba’s killing, thousands of people came together in grief, in vigil, in frustration. Once again, a community rocked by state funded violence was feeling unsteady. You hurt one, you hurt all, and so many turned out to hold his family, his friends, his loved ones. Because there is strength in togetherness, and when we are rocked - we in the individual, as well as the collective - we need people around to help steady us again. To remind us we’re not in this alone. Public outcry and public support resulted in the officer finally being suspended and a murder investigation officially opened. That is the power of togetherness, the power of community, and thanks to it a step towards justice has been taken.

And there are people who sit in both categories - who are feeling grief, sadness and uncertainty because both these people died. There are people who sit in one but are perfectly respectful of their fellow citizens who sit in the other. But like all uncertain times before, and I’m sure all that will come after, it’s also brought out the worst in us.

You only have to type Chris Kaba’s name into twitter to see there are people mourning the Queen who are also trying to justify Chris Kaba’s death. A former editor of The Sun comes up first, making sure he paints Chris Kaba in a horrendous light, dehumanising him. Putting in time and energy to sending a message to his followers that he deserved to die; that we shouldn’t feel empathy for him or his loved ones. And he’s not the only one. MP’s that speak up for him are also condemned, specifically the Black ones, but also the Labour party as a whole. There are people who are speaking as if demanding justice and wanting change after another unarmed Black man was murdered is somehow disrespectful to those grieving the Queen.

And of course, no royal story would be complete without press and public finding a way to attack Meghan Markle for existing as a Black woman who a Prince fell in love with. Twitter lit up with people claiming it was “disrespectful” that she held her husbands hand after he had walked behind his grandmother’s coffin, almost 25 years to the day after he had done the same with his mother’s. However, there was no mention of Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall holding hands from these same people. Everyday there’s been some variation of #MeghanMarkleGoHome trending, filled to the brim with people who speak of respect, spending their time aggressively spewing hate and racist vitriol. 

It’s not just certain royalists though that this has brought out the worst in. It’s also people who aren’t fans of the monarchy. And I don’t mean protestors, if you don’t like the monarchy, go ahead and protest away. I’m half Irish, half Nigerian, living in 2022 England. I know well the long lasting impacts of Britain, it’s monarchy and it’s politics (Parliament have had more power than the Monarchy in Britain since 1649, so it’s important to me that we do not forget to mention government in all of these discussions). So I get it, I understand why you want to protest. I mean tweets like this one, referring to people on the train into London to grieve as “monarchy shaggers.” I mean the way people who are anti-monarchy have felt entitled to force those who are grieving to expose the personal reasons why The Queen’s passing has impacted them in order to justify their emotions, and until that happens, their feelings aren’t respected. I myself shared my thoughts on The Queen’s passing only for someone I considered a friend to respond with a voicenote in which they claimed it wasn’t okay for me to “use Blackness when it’s suitable or palatable” - as if me not holding the same opinions as them somehow eradicated my Blackness, or meant that all the work I do day in and day out was me just “using Blackness.” As if the only way to be Black is to be Black the way they are. I mean comments that suggest the hundreds of thousands of people standing in the queue to pay their respects are the weakest of humanity. (Darwinism is the theory of evolution by natural selection, in which the strongest survive and the weakest die off, strengthening the gene pool.)

And then there’s the response to the national mourning. The way there’s some people on a moral high horse as if they are somehow better than the 81% of the country who as of 2022 felt positively about The Queen. Talking about how the national mourning is “ridiculous” or “silly”, comparing 12 days of billboards to life in North Korea. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to partake, but in a country where just over 60% of people are still pro-monarchy, where 20% of those who aren’t still felt positively about The Queen, and where their history is built around the monarchy - what did you expect would happen when it lost it’s longest reigning monarch? The tone is not even just of “I don’t want to partake in this”, which of course anyone is well within their rights to feel. It’s the air of arrogance and condescension, of “It’s ridiculous that you are partaking in this.” One is respectful, the other is not. And I don’t mean disrespectful to The Queen, she is not here to know one way or the other. I mean disrespectful to the people you share this country with, and that is one of the roots of so many problems we have in this country. Lack of respect and understanding for each other.

The other side of this of course is when the mourning goes a step too far. Queueing to pay respects, travelling to lay flowers, billboard tributes, they hurt no one. You might find it hard to understand, you might find it weird, you might find it annoying, but it’s not harming you or impacting your life in any significant way. However, food banks choosing to close on the day of The Queen’s funeral? GP surgeries choosing to close across the country? Surgery’s being cancelled? This hurts people in a very real way. Whatever your thoughts on the monarch, Queen Elizabeth swore to serve the people of this country, she spent her life doing that. It does not respect her legacy to harm those people in her name. In every institution across this country, there will be people that sit firmly on the “I am not upset by this passing” side of the fence. With 12 days to plan, every company that provides essential services could have ensured those who wanted to watch the funeral could, but those who needed their services wouldn’t be at risk. Lunch is usually 12-1, they could even have said “We’ll be closed from 10.45-12.30 to allow our staff to watch the funeral of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth” - allowing people to mourn without putting others at risk. And this is another root of so many problems in this country. A rush to act but with a lack of thought.

The problem with living in unprecedented times is that every unprecedented event does this. Every time we see the best of us, and every time we see the worst of us. But the more uncertain it gets, the more of us we seem to be seeing the worst of us in. Every time the lack of respect and understanding gets worse. Every time the rush to act comes quicker, and the consequences of the lack of thought become more and more severe. It all adds up to an incredibly divided nation, all the factions wanting change, but none of them able to actually work together towards it. So maybe today, you could try to understand someone who feels differently to you. And I don’t mean extend an olive branch to an extremist who hates Meghan’s melanin. I mean your friend who is just deeply saddened by the Queen’s passing, talk to them about it. I mean your friend who is a bit confused by the whole thing because they have no feelings on it one way or the other, talk to them about it. I mean your friend who is full of grief for Chris Kaba’s family and their wider community, talk to them about it.

But talk to learn, listen to hear, don’t just engage to react. We have enough of the last one and it’s getting us nowhere other than further from where we want to be. Maybe let’s try the first two for a while.